Saturday, April 30, 2011
Duarte, California, Duarte, California, not Louisiana, Paris, France, New York, or Rooome...
There are times, after I move, that I long for something familiar. Even when I'm only ten minutes away in the ghettos of Azusa, there are moments of doubt, of wishing for something or someone from good ole Duarte to remind me where I came from, and where my heart will always call home. The past few days have been terribly hard. I'm starting to crave the comforts of home. I'd like to sleep in my old room, hear the fervent gnawing of my rat, laugh with Chelsea over something one of her co-workers did, or just hang out in my living room watching whatever happens to be on TV at the time. Sure, I have my old bed, but it's still not the same one. I have Sawyer, but he hardly wants anything to do with me, I have Crysta, who's basically saving my life without knowing it (til now, I suppose), I have a living room. I have a TV that doesn't really get channels. I have the internet, I have Facebook, but none of it can exactly replace what I left behind 2,000 miles ago.
I know that soon school will start, and my volunteer work, and then hopefully a job... and I'll make new friends (God willing), and have people to hang out with, and start wishing for more alone time that I get too much of now. That still doesn't change my evenings of staring at photos with tears in my eyes, or watching TV shows that make me cry because that character is so much like Miles, or Jess, or anyone else. I miss my dad, my brother, my nephew... and no one here is going to fill those positions. Yes, I have Mom and both sides of Crysta's family, but I want my own, too.
I apologize if this sounds like whining, but it kind of is. I plan on sharing all my experiences in Michigan on this blog, not just what I did today, but also how I feel about it. And right now I feel lonely. I'm nearly overwhelmed with things to do here, but I'm lonely for home.
I -really- want my dog. A lot.
Other than that, things have been kind of boring. My school adventures yielded me two classes and a lab- English, a writing course; and Psych 101 plus its lab. It's a shortened semester, kind of like taking summer classes, so 6 units is about all anyone does, and I've got 7. Whee, lookit me, over-achieving like that. :/ But I go to school Tuesdays and Thursdays, the weirdest schedule I've ever had, but it leaves me with a LOT of time to work.
Although no one is hiring me. But I have faith in God that he'll provide.
I will also be attending my new church tomorrow for the first time. It's not a moment too soon. I really need some Christian friends. Which is not meant to offend my non-Christian roommate and friends, of course. I love them dearly, but I need people who share my faith, too. I'm not a very strong Christian when made to stand by myself. I like having the backup and talking to people who share my faith and worldview. Everyone needs people like that. I hope I can find some at the Ann Arbor Vineyard. I'm really excited to go. I've missed Worshiping more than I can express. I have a feeling my loneliness will wane once I have something to look forward to every Sunday morning.
Ugh, I'm gonna go watch Scrubs and knit my troubles away.